So tonight was the night I decided to take Sage's name off the nursery door and take all the pink frilly flower patterned clothes out of the drawers. I pulled out the girlie hats, separated the frilly socks, and folded the butterfly motif blankets. I neatly folded them and put them in the pink bins that lived in the closet. I placed the too big Stride Rite mary janes that I got on sale and nestled them in as well. I had imagined it to be a very traumatic experience full of anguish and tears. It was indeed sad...not so much in that I was grieving Sage through the clothes I pictured her wearing...but the realization that I most likely will never have another daughter. The idea of donating the items does not sit well...I used to volunteer for a crisis pregnancy center and saw firsthand the disrespect that some women showed to donated clothes. My dear SHARE friend is pregnant and I have the feeling it is a girl...another dear friend is trying to get pregnant as well. SO, I will set the pink polkadots and pastel purple butterfly sleepers aside and know that when one of them has a girl I will face the task of actually moving the clothes out of the room and it will be ok.
Our big girl Iris has been invited to go to Hospice camp for kids this weekend. She has done amazingly well as far as dealing with the death of her only sister and Hospice has helped quite a bit. I'm hoping she has a good time. She has never gone to sleep away before without one of her family beside her. I am nervous but I know that at almost 10 she will do fine. I think it will do her good to be around other kids who have worked through loss and have that common bond with her. We will see.
PS. The boy is named Elias Odinn. We have named him, claimed him, and he is ours.
