A hot mess

I swear, my body is staging an uprising....since we decided to start "trying" my cycle is just a mess!! Trying to count out a cycle to time that oh so "spontaneous" interlude just is about impossible. Hi, OBGYN, yes....we will be making an appointment. Anyone else out there in this crappy boat? I know people say to not think about it but you know what? Trying to get pregnant after your child dies is HARD, it's hard physically, mentally, and emotionally. It is stressful...to say the least. It took over 2 years to get pregnant with Sage...I just can't wait that long again.

On another note, I had a dream that Sage had lived but with major brain damage. We had to leave her at a facility. Time fast forwarded and we had to pick her up since she was a teenager. I was ready to pick up a nonverbal semi-comatose that I hadn't seen in years. What I got was a very angry teenager. She was curled up on the couch and was yelling at me to leave her alone. She just kept yelling for me to turn around and let her go. I woke up and all I wanted to do was take her name off her door, not wear my locket with her picture in it, not wear my bracelet with her name on it. I wanted to put her away. I guess she is just letting me know that she is ok with us trying again....I'm not sure....I hope that's it.....