Holy Crap

We found out today that we are having a boy. The best way to explain my reaction would be numbness. The midwife is just the sweetest thing and understood why I wasn't exactly jumping for joy. I know I will be over the moon, so to say, given some time but for now I'm trying to digest that I will never have another little girl. No more pink snuggly footie pajamas, no more fairy princess dress up, not again. I have a room full of girl clothes folded, sorted, and waiting. How easy it would have been to simply add a baby girl to that already girlie room. As my dear friend and SHARE mom said, maybe this baby wants to be their own person, not a replacement in some way. At the time I could only reply that there would never, could never be a replacement for Sage. I think I get what she was saying now though. I wanted a girl because I had one and she was gone too fast. Thinking back to when I was pregnant with Sage I can remember wishing for a boy because then I would be done, boy, girl, family...done. I threw my heart into having another girl and it was pulled out from under me. I guess I'm hesitant throwing my heart into someone entirely new. Oh, and 13 more days until Sage's first birthday. I'm terrified.