Sunday, April 25, 2010

The newness and the suckish

When I first started thinking about
trying to get pregnant again after Sage died, which was right away, I kind of harrumphed at the therapist's and "expert's" suggestion that we wait a bit. I was almost taken aback by the nerve of these people...ME?? I don't need more time to know what I want, I don't need more clarity to navigate my grief, my body is MORE than ready for a baby, my marriage is rock solid, AND DON'T TELL ME WHAT I NEED!!!!!

Yeah, about all that....maybe there was something to those suggestions.

We did wait 8 months...well 6 months but it took 2 months for the meds to kick in to gear and a bablette to stick. But as I sit here having the third meltdown of the last couple days with a back that is spasming, varicose veins where NO woman should have them, having anxiety attacks whenever this boychild inside stops moving for even a half hour, second gu
essing every choice I made with Sage and choices I'm making for this one,
seething at my husband for well.....anything, I wonder if that suggested year was perhaps a good idea after all.

Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled with this little man walloping my's just that hindsight thing, you know?

Other news, we had a 3d snapshot at the perinatologist (heart deformities run on both sides so we see a peri sometimes just to check out the's all good by the way) and he looks nothing like his sister.
Boy is in B/W Sage is in Sephia...what do you think? Oh, and yes, that IS his cord up by his face and head.....if he doesn't move by the 36 wk US we will be looking at a c-section :/