Thursday, August 8, 2013

It's been a while

I really had no idea it had been so long since I had posted until I directed someone here and figured I better take a peek on it. Nothing since April? Where did the time go? Oh yeah, husband, 3 kids, job, 3rd round of grad school and more pets than I would like, that's where it went. It's all good though. The important people are well, healthy, and happy. The boy just turned 3, the eldest girl turned 13 today, and Juni turns 1 in 2 weeks. They make me nuts, want to drink too much, and cry tears of frustration and joy in pretty much equal amounts. They are awesome!! If I said that after 4 and a half years I don't still feel the shadow of a missing girl in our family, I would be lying. With every birthday and milestone I see a flash of what she would have been, especially with Juni. Those dark dark eyes that can sparkle like a fairy sprite are so like Sage's. It's hard not to wonder if Sage would have looked like Juni looks. Then again, Juni wouldn't be here if Sage had lived so it's a moot point. They are all moot actually because what is, is and it can't be what it's not. So, we continue to plug away and keep on keeping on trying to do our best to be the people we want our kids to be when they are grown. It's still hard but it is definitely getting easier, if that makes any sense.

I seriously say this to my boy at least once a day.

Sunday, April 28, 2013

The balm for my wounds

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Sage turns 4 today....

It has been a sad and bitter day. I am conflicted in so many ways. We have made a tradition to bring needed items to the NICU that cared for her so well on her birthday. This year I couldn't get anyone to answer my calls or emails. Finally, I got someone today and it was like I was hassling them. They came back with a couple things but still sounded like they just wanted to get me off the phone. I know I am sensitive and over analyzing the  whole thing but I think I will come up with another way to honor Sage every year from now on.