Sunday, August 22, 2010

The same but different

With all the newness and insanity of a new baby one might think that I wouldn't have time or energy to think of Sage. How wrong. The stress, lack of sleep, and anxiety have shifted my thoughts of her into high gear. I find myself looking at Eli and the realization that he is not her hits me hard. I wonder if she would be harder or easier than he is..I wonder if I would be as anxious about simple things...I wonder how different it would have been.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Confessions of a birth snob

Hi, I'm Erin and I am a recovering birthing snob. What does that mean? Well, it means that prior to my loss and recent birth experience I was of the belief that if you had your baby in any other way other than under water, at home, in the dark, with soft chanting you most likely would screw up your child for life. OK, so I might have exaggerated a bit but you get the picture. Yes, there are some really bad practices happening in the LD units across the country right now and yes, I STILL DO support home births as a safe and appropriate alternative for MOST mothers who want a minimally invasive birth. BUT...and yes, there is a BUT, I have come to appreciate that each baby has its own way of coming into the world. I have also come to appreciate that each mother has to learn to listen to her heart, gut, and baby when it comes to her birth choice. Does that mean that I support moms being medicated into oblivion due to fear of pain or, of course not. Counterpoint, does this mean that I support moms making choices only to fulfill an ideology and "fit in" when it clearly goes against what they feel is the right choice...hell no. I support education and honest answers and a supportive group of women who are there for the mother no matter what.

I'm also sad that there is such a division amongst the mothering worlds....It's like you get points and acceptance for the options you if you choose to have a home water birth and go full get full points....unmedicated hospital birth you only get partial points....circumcise....minus a few points....god forbid you have to supplement ANY formula...minus more might gain some back by cloth diapering or co-sleeping or baby wearing....maybe. When I was on the successful homewaterbirth with cosleeping extended breastfeeding no vaccination organic homemade babyfood side of the fence I couldn't see the other side. Only since having the experience that I had and having to reconcile my own choice to have a planned cesarean section birth can I really see the snobbery that is out there. Why can't we support each other as mothers without inventorying the choices they made...without categorizing them as to how "crunchy" they are? The only thing that should matter is if they love their kids, are making informed choices that are right for their family, and are feeling supported as mothers. Is that so hard?

OK, I am done and am stepping off my soapbox.