Monday, October 5, 2009

A hot mess

I swear, my body is staging an uprising....since we decided to start "trying" my cycle is just a mess!! Trying to count out a cycle to time that oh so "spontaneous" interlude just is about impossible. Hi, OBGYN, yes....we will be making an appointment. Anyone else out there in this crappy boat? I know people say to not think about it but you know what? Trying to get pregnant after your child dies is HARD, it's hard physically, mentally, and emotionally. It is say the least. It took over 2 years to get pregnant with Sage...I just can't wait that long again.

On another note, I had a dream that Sage had lived but with major brain damage. We had to leave her at a facility. Time fast forwarded and we had to pick her up since she was a teenager. I was ready to pick up a nonverbal semi-comatose that I hadn't seen in years. What I got was a very angry teenager. She was curled up on the couch and was yelling at me to leave her alone. She just kept yelling for me to turn around and let her go. I woke up and all I wanted to do was take her name off her door, not wear my locket with her picture in it, not wear my bracelet with her name on it. I wanted to put her away. I guess she is just letting me know that she is ok with us trying again....I'm not sure....I hope that's it.....

1 comment:

  1. I just wanted to let you know that I totally understand. It took 1 and 1/2 years for us to get pregnant with Connor and my body has been so messed up. It seems that maybe that's normal after pregnancy but then we get the added bonus of all the grief. We have been working with a fertility specialist since July and it's so hard to have to go through all this crap all over again after losing our babies! And the added hormones probably aren't helping either. So...I am thinking of you as you begin this part of your journey and also that there is someone out there who is traveling alongside you.

    P.S. I find your dream very interesting. Isn't it weird how thoughts and feelings are communicated through dreams? I don't know Sage, but from what I have ready, I think she's a fighter and so are her parents.

    Take Care